I'm sorry.
But get this - I'm on a goddamn PLANE bitches.
They let me on here and everything. I only had to explain to three different Delta airlines representatives that, no, I don't have a visa yet, and yes, that's really okay. There was a terrifying moment about ten minutes before I was supposed to board where it seemed like they weren't going to let me on the flight, but here I am, flying. They say you can do anything you put your mind to. Here's hoping I don't get turned away at the gate in Atlanta.
Aside from that moment of fear, traveling is going smoothly so far. Coincidentally, my parents were headed to San Francisco this weekend for a memorial service, so they booked a flight leaving a few hours after mine and were able to come through to my gate with me. Seeing as I'm a 21 year old "adult" who has never travelled alone, it was very nice.
Now, here I am on what they claimed was an overbooked flight with an open seat next to me and a nice bald southern man on the other side of that open seat who offered to let me use his iPad (I declined). The flight left on time and is actually scheduled to arrive 20 minutes earlier than the itinerary said it would. There's 6 different TED talks I can watch for free. I'm leading a charmed life this morning, even if I had to get up at 3AM to earn it.
Favorable luck so far gives me confidence as I'm flying off into the unknown. More than just an unfamiliar country, this is a truly weird experience it denies me my fundamental nature as a planner. 24 hours from now, I will be in Quito, Ecuador. I have no idea what I'll be doing. I'm so used to knowing down to the hour what I'm doing with my life. Even if I don't STICK to my schedules, I always have them. The information we were given about this trip ahead of time has been relatively vague, and I think that is what has been allowing the fear to overtake the excitement for the most part - because it still doesn't feel real. "Ecuador" and "study abroad" are still just nebulous abstract concepts. Tomorrow, and every day forward for the next ~100 days, does not even exist in my mind. It's blank space.
But maybe that's for the best. Blank space to be filled with a reality unclouded by expectation. Here's hoping I brought enough underwear.
UPDATE: I anticipated being able to find wi-fi to post this at the Atlanta airport during our ridiculously long layover. I was wrong. So very wrong. It's a primitive world out there. All I wanted in life getting off that plane was a goddamn Starbucks where I could drink some frilly iced bitch drink, enjoy free wifi, check in with my parents, and escape from the ridiculously muggy airport.
But as the philosopher Jagger once said, "You can't always get what you want."
Instead I missed the tram and ended up walking from one end of the HUGE airport to the other, which took a good 45 minutes, basically delirious from sleep deprivation, heat, caffeine withdrawal, claustrophobia, and the general overwhelmed feeling of oh-shit-this-is-for-reals. There was no Starbucks to be found. Thankfully, when I arrived (4hours early) at the gate for my flight to Quito, the group from the San Francisco flight was there. Even though I don't know most of the people on my trip very well, familiar faces were a welcome sight. As the afternoon wore on the group came together (with our trip leader showing up last) and I think finally being together as a group ( minus a few who went early) calmed all of our nerves.
So here I am, on plane #2 with three hours and change till we land in Ecuador. It's 8:30 pm EST which means it should feel like 5:30 pm when in reality it feels like 3 in the morning.
And our trip leader still has no idea what we're doing tomorrow. WINGIN' IT.
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